Never I Can

Hello I will keep my identity a secret because my society is very cruel, they would maroon me if they know it is me who wrote their true personality in front of everyone. You know I was such a person within whom life resides.  I never hesitated to show my interest to anyone and anything even though I am bad at it. I love doing everything I was given in school.  My eyes shine with delight when anyone asks me to do anything. I  am always the ready type of person.  Till my teenage I excelled in writing articles and stories, drawing cartoons and sceneries, sports like badminton, football and swimming ,a dancer and somewhat a singer. I even love public speaking. I loved my life. Everyone appreciated my talent. But everything changed when my family transferred to a big-town far away from the village. I was excited to see my new home. But it happened like that that nobody paid attention to our arrival. Fine we were new then. My family was enthusiastic  that they would soon become friends with us. My new school was as dumped as the neighbours. I felt something was wrong with them. They look deadly cool to me. Just gossiping with their ones. I sat on the first bench.

I tried to be as friendly as I could. But  instead they tortured me. They complained to the teacher, started false rumors about me, and insulted me in front of the teachers, ignoring me when I spoke to them . I thought they thought me dumb and they couldn’t do so with me. I showed my talent in art, dancing, singing and sports. I thought now they would respect me. But it happen so that they did not liked a dumb cow to be a peacock. For a few days I got respect from teachers and students.  The life within me came back again. But slowly teachers and others started to ignore me as if I didn't exist. Whenever I speak, people ignore me, when I sing people gossips within themselves, when I dance they just go away and when I show my art they don’t even see me. Students were not less for me to make my life miserable. Once the teachers came to know my talent they too insulted me. I know I shouldn't speak about teachers. They are the most respected people of a society. But that does give them the authority to do with a student whatever they want. They spreaded nepotism in a school environment. In classes indirectly some teachers compared my talent with the dumbest student of the world. Students laughed at this but that made me feel idiot.  Teachers never select me for any duties of the school. Sometimes my entire class is given duties and I was left behind in the class crying. I felt people never respected nor appreciated my work. Even though I proved myself everywhere, I was just a playing doll for them. I remembered I always made  beautiful pop up cards for teachers on every teacher's day. But it happened so  that they threw my cards in the dustbin.  And the very next day teacher’s appreciated everyone except me , those who gave them the most expensive goods. I never stayed back to impress my friends. I sent them birthday presents on their birthdays, followed them on social media pages, collected their phone number and sent friendly messages so that they would take me respectfully. I went to their houses and did every interaction with them. But it turns out that every friendly act of mine was just an irritation for them.  I felt  my friends were fake and they were indeed. I went into depression. My talents started to fade off and soon it happened I lost all my life. I just hated the world and hated myself. I really did not know what’s wrong with me. Why am I always left-out? Don’t they see how eager I am to be in a social-life? Is it wrong to express yourself to others? Don’t they see my delightful and playful nature? Why have i to face insult when i did whatever just to get their love and respect? Why? No one has the answer. I started my journey with a  curious mind and a beautiful heart and I just ended with a depressed mind and a broken heart. I could not hold this anymore. Sometimes I think of dying. But my dreams and hope keeps me alive. I learned, humans are the real monster. They are all lost in the world of lust, hatred and supremacy. I don’t know what happiness people get by faking themselves. I can't live that life no matter what. The world is really beautiful without humans, I appreciate that. I would like lonely - poor living but never I will step in the world of lust, hatred and supremacy. 

  By R.Choudhury